Coffee Bean in Malibu

i got here to mailbu 2 hours earlier than i needed to be.

it's nice to get a chance just to hangout and have a cup of joe. listening to rich people teach their kids about how to evade the law and get away with stuff by looking rich.

i came to the coffee bean because a number of hot porn stars twitter about it being their favourite coffee shop. and i love coffee, as well as hot freaky chicks.... so it all adds up. so far it's just old lady's and a guy who looks slightly more like a bum than i do.

he's a surfbum it seems. definitely an upscale sort of bum. surfbums are up there on the hierarchy of bums.... along with adventurers, travellers and skibums, or rockbums (climbers). we are all homeless by choice, more or less. and know how to live well. homebums, tramps and hobos have a harder time of it generally. but, at the end of the day, we're all in this together..

there's a few little tweety birds hopping around my feet. i'm afraid they've become so accustomed to people and have forgotten how to find their own normal tweety bird food that it's only a matter of time before they start eating my toes. most animals i'm not too afraid of, but birds dont give you a chance to fight back... they can attack, bloodthirstily tearing apart my little piggies, then fly off into the heavens, safe from retribution. a bear or cougar gives you something at least to hit while you're being torn limb from limb; as long as i get a couple of good punches in, i wouldn't feel bad about being mauled to death. but these fucking tweety birds... they're too fast and they can fly! impossible odds.

i stopped ordering my coffee black because even when i did, they'd always ask me if i wanted room for cream, and it's illegal to punch people in the throat - which is always my first reaction. so i save myself the trouble, and just order a coffee, wait for the question, and then say. "no cream, black please". it saves everyone some frustration, and throat bruises.

really, i'm just waiting for someone to say "how do you like your coffee." to which, my go-to reply is: "just like i like my women, ground up and in the freezer."

they normally chuckle a bit.

untill they see the bullet in my ear and the twinkle in my eye.